Some Reflections

I turned 23 years old today, and for some reason that means I get a little more attention from others on this day, which inclines me to give myself a little more attention too. For this reason, I’ve been especially reflective about who I think I am and who I want to be. Obviously, I am still young, and I find myself constantly revising my philosophical commitments. But I’d like to think I’ve learned a thing or two over the course of my short life, and I’d like to impart what little wisdom I have gleaned onto those willing to read my premature musings.

I’ll start with what some may think are sad or grim realizations about the world. Recently, I have been exposed to the works of Arthur Schopenhauer, and Friedrich Nietzsche, and David Benatar, all of whom articulated a dismal yet observably true fact of life: To live is to suffer. I lead a beautiful life – I study philosophy full-time, I teach college students, I have a small circle of friends comprised of people who I love and who love me in return, I have a healthy relationship with my loving family members, and I am able to meet my most basic needs. Still, life is difficult – not because it is my life, but because it is life. Stress gets the best of us, feelings of inadequacy creep up onto even the most self-possessed and confident person, and we as human beings are prone to mistakes. And mistakes fuel the fire of misery even if only temporarily, no matter how well-adjusted you are.

That being said, I have found that it is important to be honest with oneself about what life is like to live it with zeal. I have met people (and myself been the person) who surround themselves with charisma in hopes that people will have hearts as pure as their personalities are entertaining. And who have feigned saccharine positivity, and used social media as a means by which to represent themselves in a completely inauthentic way for the sake of popularity. And who have had trillions of relationships with people, were well-known and well-liked, but were ultimately incapable of cultivating meaningful connections with others. Being positive and likable is great, but it’s not everything. Far from it. It’s vulnerability and honesty with respect to one’s circumstances that make somebody exceptional, in my view.

Relatedly, it is vital that people be given the space to be vulnerable and imperfect, even if that means experiencing pain sometimes. For me, my weight, exercise habits, and body image have always been topics of conversation between those who love me and myself. It bothers me a lot when people bring any of these things up with me in conversation, but I need to accept that people who care about me will do so sometimes, they will do it tactlessly, and they will do it without remorse even though they definitely should feel some. Rather than walking away from them though, I’ve learned to walk away from the conversation. And to return to it after some reflection if I think it is necessary, or to write off whatever was said as bologna but only after having thought about it. At some point, I will likely do the same to them – offer them unwelcome criticism that I believe, in my heart of hearts, is necessary, even if I’m ultimately mistaken – and I expect them to offer me the courtesy to do so within reason. You will sometimes be the one who causes unnecessary suffering for others, and they will sometimes be the catalyst for yours. This is inevitable, but what is within our control is the extent to which we cause harm and the extent to which we allow ourselves to be harmed. The sooner this fact can be faced, the easier navigating your relationships will become.

This compassion and willingness to accept error is also important, I think, when it comes to our treatment of strangers. People are infinitely complex. But, I believe that people, at their cores, want nothing more than what they think is best. Granted, they can be deeply mistaken about what is actually best but then again, who isn’t sometimes? Writing people off for things that others have told you they have done, or treating somebody poorly because you succumb to social pressure… is almost always the wrong thing to do.

It is healthy, wise, and just, though, to exercise discretion in building your social world. Some people, quite frankly, will be determined to misunderstand you. This isn’t to say that they are outwardly vicious or cruel to you. They may just be eager to misrepresent what you stand for, to make a mockery of you. As someone who, for better or for worse, is a contrarian: I have come across many such people. I express skepticism of some proposition that many have come to know as true, and I am criticized for making claims that I never authored to begin with. Allowing people like this – that is, people who are dead-set on misconstruing my values – to be in my life has done neither me nor them a service. Recently, I clear-cut my friends list on Facebook to enshrine just how important I believe this insight is.

Still, I have learned more than I could possibly articulate in a blog post of this length from people who followed my arguments in good faith and disagreed with me amicably. Having grown up in a conservative household, I thought for a long time that liberals were stupid at best and evil at worst. But I have learned much from my liberal- and progressive-minded friends about the importance of foregrounding consideration for the vulnerable and downtrodden in political matters. In many ways, I am a bleeding-heart liberal: I passionately disdain the death penalty, I am a staunch advocate for animal rights, I believe that respect for free movement requires our borders to be open, and I am about as anti-war as they come. But I have also learned much from my conservative-minded family and friends about the importance of personal responsibility, commitment, and skepticism of sudden, widespread social change. In as many ways as I am liberal, I am also conservative.

I fit neatly into no box and I no longer feel the need to, probably because I my circle is small and those who know me understand that, regardless of whether I skew liberal or conservative on any particular issue, I am thoughtful and committed to pursuing truth. If people ask, I am a libertarian – but I grow estranged more and more even from this label as I learn of how some libertarians characterize the philosophy. Back to the point: My circle is small now. And one of the most important members of my social circle happens to be an individual whose language I cannot even speak.

The last thing I want to focus on in this post is the role that my cat, Hunter, has played in my personal growth over the past three years that I have cared for him. I know this may seem like a silly note to end on, but I promise it’s good. He came into my life about three years ago, and he taught me how to put the needs of another before my own. In the mornings, I have to get up not only to start my day and fulfill obligations that serve my own ends, but I have to get up to attend to Hunter. He is entirely dependent upon and vulnerable to me, and for that reason has single-handedly taught me the importance of not only being the beneficiary but also the benefactor of unconditional love. I hope for myself and others that this upcoming year (and every subsequent year!) is filled with lots of love. After all, it’s what makes slugging through life worth it :)